N Book


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NOTE: This is an oldy design project from college. It is here for historical reasons. The text is reproduced in its entirety:

N. is a person of art and ego. Through the changes in his life his nature is revealed. But for each piece of knowledge gained, more seems thoroughly concealed.

N. had a satisfying childhood. The good days were long and sunny, and he played in the creek or hiked with J. Art was more entertainment than pursuit, and hours were spent imagining and drawing worlds, characters, and objects. Childhood was a time of unhindered creative experimentation, mostly because of full support from Parents. N.'s personality is a direct blend of Parents: nervousness and creativity from Mom; mania, depression, and rational thinking from Dad; and highly emotional from both. N was fathered well; Mom made him balanced meals, although he still tipped on sugars and crisps. Consequently, he went outside to vomit. N. hated vomiting but loved his snacks, and through shear determination was able to store the calories as fat rather moisten the grass with his bile. N. frequently played dolls with Sis. They built elaborate houses from books when inside and huts from wood and grass outside. The destinies N. assigned to the lives of the dolls often differed from the plans Sis had, but the play was generally casual, constructive, and fun. N. didnít have many friends, but mostly because he was content without. Playing with Sis and being the son of Mom and Dad made him complete, although such social isolation and closeness with familywould hurt him in the future. Years passed by quickly, and N. was a teenager.

For N., the early teenage years were easy. He spent most of the day in his room writing, drawing, or examining the changes in his body. His writings were often humorous tributes to legal forms; the content was often lengthy disclaimers in fine print. N. experimented with new media in his art. Airbrush, acrylics, and colored pencil were tried, and the latter two became frequently used. N. became very absorbed in his work, but every time he sat down to begin a project, his body reminded him about his lost youth. His once smooth backside was now a mess of snaggy hair; the front, an unmentionable horror..More often, N. couldn't remember the definition of "flaccid.".Other problems developed too. N. stopped sniffing his armpits when they spoiled, and he started collecting gels and alcohol to mask the odor. At school, N. was forced to interact in new ways. Talking to girls resulted in sweat, and infrequent parties were showcases of his strange social behavior. While faced with a new, seemingly exciting way of life, N. still returned to the room every day. He was content to be alone, and it would take years for that to change. Crushes had always played a minor role, but soon they would be a major goal.

N. wasn't a ladies man. Although his two best friends in early childhood were girls, he made friends with both sexes. After puberty, the "pursuit" of girls was only to make friends. N. was virtually unaware of the other possibilities until much later when peers insinuated that more lie ahead. Unfazed, N. still socialized awkwardly. The process of being attracted by appearance then forming a friendship if the talking partner was worthy repeated for years. Life wasn't fulfilling. By the middle of high school, N. desired a more conventional relationship. Through trial but mostly error, N. began to date. His new interest required only a slight alteration of the prior socializing method. Instead of making friends, N.'s concerns focused on finding a person that was compatible, although slightly inferior to himself. The search was also for a future bride, and there were many divorces. N. began to understand the problems in his personality through these failures. While the odd wit and quirks of N. were apt for girlie infatuation, the strong emotion and insecurity he radiated slowly dissolved it. His weakness began to be corrected by love and manhood, and success also came in the area of friends. While relationships were the start, there were many different ends.

N. had always been asocial, but it became tiresome to only manipulate himself. A raffle was used to select a group to be his friends. Their numbers were small, but this was made up for in apathy. N.'s natural leadership abilities guided them to parks, made them play ball games, run around, and sit a lot. The shaky division between love interest and friend began to fade as many of N.'s girlfriends were included in the activities. Life was quickly becoming complete, although N. was aware of the troubles that would come. His quality of life had been increasing, but soon it would be spent. Fall came, and to the West he went.

N.'s happiness upon arriving in the West slowly turned into dull pain. All of his family and friends had been left behind, and the inspiration for his move was a sterile building with docile students. N.'s emersion in art was now becuase of assignments. The inspiring people and environment of his youth were missing, and he had little satisfaction in watching only his technical skills improve. Soon N.'s depression lead to eating and spending. Snacks were tasty and sickening. Each chip or gummy was a salty or sweet reminder of what was missing from his life. Money burnt holes in his pockets, but his purchases only provided the long term entertainment of ash. N. communicated with his love daily through computers, twice a week by phone, and ocassionally by visit. His parents were spoken to less; his friends hardly ever. Alone, N. personality problems were amplified. N. began to think of himself as superior to others, and he blamed them for his unhappiness.

For N., depression provoked bittersweet dreams. His past was vibrant and fulfilling; compared to the plain present, it seemed a sad loss. N. dreamed of his love and family every day, sometimes all day. Visions of the future were limited to one day having a family. The rest of the unknown seemed to be only a digression of his most current dream: walking down a long dark tunnel, hoping to find the N.