My mood shifts from happy to sad and back again, much like a sine wave or the tumbling of the ocean. It is a roller coaster ride of emotion, but certainly not the world’s tallest. At my darkest moments, I describe my feelings in either obvious or just plain inaccurate analogies like a writer salmon that accidentally gets stranded on the riverbank while trying to swim upstream.
There are a few indicators that I am not in the best of moods: I don’t want to see people, cook for myself, or go out to any restaurants because of the first reason. I downloaded all ten Season 4 episodes of The Family Guy and watched them in a single sitting. I have been eating a lot of peanuts and sugar. I have been feeling very sleepy. I didn’t bother moving the decaying gecko from our driveway for many days, despite the putrid smell. I haven’t bothered to sweep the termite powder from under the wooden furniture. I didn’t care that I got soaked by rain when I went for a ride. I haven’t wanted to talk on the phone, nor write, or communicate in any form. I have been getting paranoid and creeped out once the sun sets. Last night I though that I my mind was unraveling, and that when I woke up I would have lost the ability to remember, talk, or function. This wasn’t a dream; I felt this as I was lying in bed. Also, this house has some bad energy.
I am saddened by the loss of my dear friend Whitebelly McGecko. I discovered him dead on the sidewalk when I got back from my trip to the border. He is the same Gecko that lived on the West side of the house and fed on bugs at night at the window. Oh Whitebelly, how I hardly new ye!
But this weird mood is temporary. There will be an upswing again, most likely when I head south at the beginning of September. I have been reading an excellent book called The Wind Up Bird Chronicles. I have burned through 300 pages in two days. The narrative is poetic and mysterious, full of strange encounters and symbolism. It has made me think about the quality of human relationships. It has made me want to sit in total darkness at the bottom of a well and see what it does to my thinking.
Here are two of the coolest people in Thailand: